September 20, 2001
Well, I might as well throw this one out here for all the world to see. Usually when I'm dreaming I can tell that it's a dream, just because things will happen that are too weird even for my twisted little brain to accept. But a couple days ago, I had a very realistic dream. So real that when I woke up, I just sat up and thought it out for a couple seconds, just to make sure I'd really made it up.
Basically it involved a girl I went to high school with (no, it wasn't one of those dreams) that I kinda liked but never worked up the nerve to ask out. In the dream I was trying to put the moves on her, but was getting gunned down left and right. And in the dream she'd been in Pittsburgh since we graduated (in reality we're never even in the same state, at least not that I know of) but I hadn't talked to her in years. (That bit would be true -- I had her e-mail address once, but I'm just as bad at e-mail conversations as real ones, so they always dried up after a couple times back and forth.)
What I'm trying to figure out is what the heck my subconscious was trying to tell me. That I shouldn't have tried, anyway? That if I'd had a chance I'd have blown it? That I'm feeling guilty about having basically abandoned all my high school friends? (I don't think the last one's true ...) No matter what, it seems pretty negative. You'd think that since dreams are basically the mind's way of dealing with situations that haven't happened (or can't happen) I'd have given myself a little credit. Hmm.