New Year's Resolutions for the World

January 1, 2002

I've never been good at keeping my New Year's resolutions, so I've decided to just be happy with who I am and try to make improvements as they come along. But I should still do something for the beginning of the new year, so here are my resolutions for everyone else. After all, why should I be the only one who doesn't live up tp my expectations? Anyway, some of these are serious, some aren't.

People should learn how to drive. This one came to a head while I was driving on US-30 the other day. Someone who was afraid of their car was going along at 35 mph. Took me an hour and 15 minutes to get out of Pennsylvania when it should only take me 50 minutes. If you don't think you can handle road conditions, either call a taxi or stay home.

People should learn that their religion is just as full of shit as everyone else's. The Jews beat up on the Muslims, the Christians beat up on the Jews, the Hindus beat up on the Buddhists, and the list goes on and on. Give it a rest, people. Religions all serve the same purpose: They try to tell people how they fit into the grand scheme of the universe and how they should behave towards one another.

Almost all the holy books out there have some history of conquest and great triumphs over the enemy, usually in the beginnings when the records aren't clear. That's because they were written well after the fact by a priest or a king to give the people a boost. After all, god's people can't get their asses kicked by the new invaders, can they? "We did it once and we can do it again" and all that jazz. So it's all made up, and they all say to treat people with respect (and thus, don't kill them), and it says not to commit evils against each other. Doesn't seem that difficult, does it?

But everyone's got the One and True Answer to Everything, and can't stand the possibility that someone else's take can be just as valid.

On a related note, people need to learn how to listen. And I'll lump myself in with the rest of humanity here. Some people are more knowledgeable in certain fields than others. These people should be treated with respect and not belittled. There's nothing more infuriating than having someone else tell you how to do your job or your chosen hobby. Especially if they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

So, ask questions, ask to have some reasoning explained, but don't puff yourself up at the expense of the people who know what they're doing. It'll bite you in the ass later, I guarantee it.

People need to stop trying to please everybody. 'Cause it can never happen. Do what you're there to do and do it the best way you know how. If someone in authority gives you specific instructions, follow them; if someone who knows more that you offers advice, hear them out (see above). But go forward the way you think is best. People may not like the way you went about it, but they won't be able to argue with the results.

People need to stop being afraid to point out bad behavior. Again, I'm guilty of sitting idly by and letting things happen too. Someone doing nothing and taking the credit? Call them on it. Someone propping themself up by tearing others down? Tell the asshole to stop. Someone trying to get you to do their job for them? Tell them you want their salary to go along with it. People like that only get away with these things if people like us let them. And we should stop letting them.

People need to stop confusing patriotism with blind faith. Especially now, the voice of dissent is invaluable. If we go along with every edict from Washington like so many sheep, we'll eventually wind up the the same results as the sheep. Always ask yourself: Who's agenda is being promoted here; who stands to benefit; are the effects they say they're looking for likely to happen; and what's probably going to happen that they're not telling us about? You'd be amazed how horrible some of this stuff is when you begin thinking about it.

And you just might become one of The Few, The Proud, The Libertarians.

People just need to calm the fuck down. We're all stressing over something. Biting people's heads off won't fix it. Contrary to popular belief, not everything is an emergency, or an affront to national well-being, or an imminent threat to The Children. Take a deep breath, try the decaf, and look at things rationally. Does the other side have a valid point, even if the beliefs affecting their decisions are different? If so, just let them be. Odds are that both of you are wrong anyway and the person who's got it figured out is in an asylum somewhere.

And finally, people need to realize that I'm always right. 'Nuff said.

December 31, 2001January 2, 2002