January 6, 2003
Special Playoff Edition: Fucking Idiots
5:05 PM Sunday
Please allow me to begin thusly: Butch Davis, Foge Fazio and Bruce Arians should all be fired. Now. Don't even wait until Monday morning.
What kind of idiot defensive coordinator calls for the Prevent defense in the third fucking quarter?! And what moronic head coach lets him?! Those would be Fazio and Davis, in that order. (For non-football fans: The Prevent defense supposedly prevents the opposing team from making long plays and getting out of bounds to stop the clock. All it really does is prevent your team from winning by letting the opposition march up the field and score. In this case, twice.)
Even without Elway's famous exploitation of the world's worst defensive scheme in your history books it's a bad idea. But the Browns played damn near the entire second half that way, giving Pittsburgh 15 points.
Oh, and some piss-poor officiating was there too. I don't usually comment about blown calls since they tend to balance out, but the refs gave the Steelers 25 yards on three penalties on (I think) three consecutive plays. And these weren't maybe-maybe-not types of calls -- they just shouldn't have been made by anyone with a shred of impartiality. Isn't there a rule against having 18 men on the field?
Anyway, back to the people who should be fired. Bruce Arians, the offensive coordinator. Today was definitely offensive. I know a lot of purists insist that you need to use the run to set up the pass, but that's bull. If your rushing game has netted you a 6-yard loss, it's time to re-think your strategy. Sure, keep the run in to keep the secondary honest, but don't run two consecutive plays then force your quarterback to convert on 3rd and 12.
As poorly as the Steelers played, Cleveland should have beaten them. But until they get some coaching in there they'll be nothing but a bunch of also-rans.
Update, Tuesday: Well, I got part of my wish: Foge Fazio retired. According to the article, though, the defensive scheme may have been more Davis's fault than his. And the short list for Fazio's replacement apparently includes the recently-fired Dallas coach Dave Campo. Yay.
In other news that Stillers fans will be able to relate to, we may have a brewing quarterback controversy in Browns Town -- stay with the franchise player Tim Couch or the more effective six-year veteran Kelly Holcomb. To be honest, Couch has been frustratingly inconsistent, and still has more picks than touchdown passes. It may be time for a little bit of a shake-up. At least let him get in some of the sideline learning he missed out on when he was rushed into play in 1999.