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January 6, 2003

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Special Playoff Edition: Fucking Idiots

5:05 PM Sunday
Please allow me to begin thusly: Butch Davis, Foge Fazio and Bruce Arians should all be fired. Now. Don't even wait until Monday morning.

What kind of idiot defensive coordinator calls for the Prevent defense in the third fucking quarter?! And what moronic head coach lets him?! Those would be Fazio and Davis, in that order. (For non-football fans: The Prevent defense supposedly prevents the opposing team from making long plays and getting out of bounds to stop the clock. All it really does is prevent your team from winning by letting the opposition march up the field and score. In this case, twice.)

Even without Elway's famous exploitation of the world's worst defensive scheme in your history books it's a bad idea. But the Browns played damn near the entire second half that way, giving Pittsburgh 15 points.

Oh, and some piss-poor officiating was there too. I don't usually comment about blown calls since they tend to balance out, but the refs gave the Steelers 25 yards on three penalties on (I think) three consecutive plays. And these weren't maybe-maybe-not types of calls -- they just shouldn't have been made by anyone with a shred of impartiality. Isn't there a rule against having 18 men on the field?

Anyway, back to the people who should be fired. Bruce Arians, the offensive coordinator. Today was definitely offensive. I know a lot of purists insist that you need to use the run to set up the pass, but that's bull. If your rushing game has netted you a 6-yard loss, it's time to re-think your strategy. Sure, keep the run in to keep the secondary honest, but don't run two consecutive plays then force your quarterback to convert on 3rd and 12.

As poorly as the Steelers played, Cleveland should have beaten them. But until they get some coaching in there they'll be nothing but a bunch of also-rans.

Update, Tuesday: Well, I got part of my wish: Foge Fazio retired. According to the article, though, the defensive scheme may have been more Davis's fault than his. And the short list for Fazio's replacement apparently includes the recently-fired Dallas coach Dave Campo. Yay.

In other news that Stillers fans will be able to relate to, we may have a brewing quarterback controversy in Browns Town -- stay with the franchise player Tim Couch or the more effective six-year veteran Kelly Holcomb. To be honest, Couch has been frustratingly inconsistent, and still has more picks than touchdown passes. It may be time for a little bit of a shake-up. At least let him get in some of the sideline learning he missed out on when he was rushed into play in 1999.

 

[Link to this comment] Posted by Tristan on January 6, 2003 8:00 AM.

Shields suggested that the Steelers do an onside kick for their last kickoff, just to rub it in.

I suggested that we just drive over to your place and kick you in the nuts.

Shields was opposed on the grounds that you might not be able to have kids afterwards.

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Re:

[Link to this comment] Posted by Jason on January 6, 2003 12:01 PM.

Well, you could have gone with the standard response: Calling my cell-phone to taunt.

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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[Link to this comment] Posted by Dallas on January 6, 2003 1:08 PM.

HAHAHAHAHA--although the Steelers were giving me fits yesterday. Tommy was throwing like Kordell (above, behind, below, into double coverage, but never AT the receiver), and the secondary was giving five-yard head starts to the Brownies' receivers. Not nearly enough pressure on Holcomb, either. But then again, if the opposition doesn't have to go to their second-string QB by the third quarter, I consider that a DL failure.
But the penalties were fair: the Browns tried to switch from the prevent (-you-from-winning) defense to the hold defense. And you're not allowed to hit a guy when he's two yards out of bounds. Whoops!

So, in recap:
Here we go, Stillers, here we go
Here we go, Stillers, here we go
Here we go, Stillers, here we go
Pittsburgh's going to the Super Bowl!

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Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[Link to this comment] Posted by Jason on January 6, 2003 3:53 PM.

I agree about late hits (like the one Terrell Owen laid on the Giant trying to run back the failed two-point try last night), however in that case the guy was tripping and falling as he went out of bounds himself. Granted I usually prefer explicitly-written rules, but I think this one could be a judgement call. But you're right, the rule was enforced as written so I guess I can't fault the refs on that one.

(Anyone know the Titans' cheer?)

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Re: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[Link to this comment] Posted by Jason on January 6, 2003 4:15 PM.

Addendum: I wonder what they're going to call this little batch of football trauma... for some reason we like to assign names to these sorts of thing. We've already had

  • "Red-Right-88" -- QB Brian Sipe wanted to press on instead of letting a kicker who'd missed 2 FGs already attempt a game-winning field goal in 1980. The pass was intercepted by the eventual Super Bowl-champion Raiders.
  • "The Drive" -- Elway, 1987, Denver ties the game then goes on to win in overtime. This is where my hatred of the Prevent comes from.
  • "The Fumble" -- The Browns are trying to come from behind against the Broncos and Earnest Byner takes a handoff and heads for the end zone. He fumbled while being tackled at the 2. Denver went on to win, and Byner was rather unfairly run out of town.
  • "The Exodus" -- Art Modell, 1996. 'Nuff said.

Nothing really stands out though. "The Drive II" doesn't quite get the message across since the Browns still had a chance to tie or win, but there's nothing really for the last play either. Hmm...

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This page last updated Oct 6, 2014 8:34:36 AM.