May 30, 2003
The Anti-Ass Machine
There's a device hanging on the wall in the bathroom at work. Last week it beeped regularly for a couple days. Then today I was in there... er... reading the paper and I hear this noise like a pop can being opened.
OK, that's weird, I think. What the heck was that? Then I notice the potpourri scent waft through the stall. Ah, I get it now -- the thing on the wall's an automatic deoderizer.
Then I get a little paranoid. Does this thing go off regularly, and I've just never heard it till now, or is there some kind of "ass detector" in the thing that decides the air is just too foul, and releases a spray of potpourri? 'Cause I'd be a little self-conscious if my dumps were so bad that not even a computer could handle being around them.