May 19, 2006
Sometimes dreams help you solve problems or make sense of things that are bothering you. Sometimes they're just flights of fancy as your brain drops a few concepts into the mix and sees what comes out. And sometimes they just make you sit up in bed and say, "whaaa?"
Sunday night was one of the last kind.
Basically, it involved a former friend of mine. Haven't spoken to each other at all in about 5 months now. I'm wandering around a hospital (can't really recall if I was a patient or if I was just there for the hell of it) and happened to see this person's name on a ... well, it was more of an index card than a medical chart.
My subconcious cares not for your "reality".
Now, the hospital thing actually makes sense to me, since the last part of the falling out happened over Son of Roast Beef. To be more specific, it was the fact that this was the only person I knew who lived within a half-hour of me, and that person's response to a friend in need of assistance was to whine about how difficult I make things. So yeah, not friends any more.
I'll admit I had a tough time wrapping my brain around that -- if you're going to call someone your friend that implies that when they come to you needing help you provide it. I've never been tasked with picking someone up from the hospital at 2 in the morning, but I'd like to think my principles apply even when I'm half-asleep.
But in the dream I went into the room for a chat. Well, it started as a chat. Former-friend basically repeated the "you're making things difficult" spiel and I commenced with the yelling. At least, I kinda did; I got out one sentence than woke up.
What I want to know is, what did I hope to accomplish? Former-friend wasn't going to say anything that would have made sense to me, since it was just my representation of that person. If I could figure it out, I probably wouldn't have had the dream in the first place.
Was the yelling supposed to be cathartic? Why stop and wake up instead of going whole-hog on the ass-reaming? It's not like Former-friend had anywhere to go being a figment of my imagination and all.
When I woke up in the middle of the night Sunday my thoughts were basically: "what the hell was that?" Now that I've played the parts I remember through a couple times, I'm starting to get more into "why did I bother?" I don't really get the idea that anything regarding this has changed inside my head.
Maybe it just means my subconcious ain't all that bright either.
