Archive of December, 2010
December 15, 2010:
Reminder: If you're looking for the web site of a certain sports equipment supplier, the URL is dickssportinggoods.com. They do not own the five-letter .com a feeble-minded individual like me might attempt first.
December 10, 2010:
I horribly overestimated how much Halloween candy I'd need for trick-or-treaters. I still have some of it, in fact, though I'm down to the candy corns that none of the neighborhood kids wanted. Fine with me, I like candy corns.
I've been packing them a handful at a time with my lunches in the morning and slowly but surely whittling down the supply. At five lunches a week, times half a dozen or so per lunch, times six weeks since Halloween you can get a guess at how badly I misjudged demand.
As I was rooting around for the last of the not-candy-corn candy I found an M&M that had come out of its wrapper at some point. Figuring, what could possibly go wrong, I ate it.
Six-week-old M&Ms are no different from their freshly-packaged brethren.
After a little more digging around to verify that the last of the little candy bars were now taken, I found a candy corn that had similarly come out of its packaging. With the lesson of the M&M fresh in my memory I popped the candy corn into my mouth.
Six-week-old candy corns shatter when you bite down on them.
So, the lesson here of course is: It's perfectly OK to eat old candy, except for the candy corn. What could possibly go wrong?
December 03, 2010:
I took some time last night to get Christmas presents wrapped. While getting my niece's presents taken care of I had an epiphany: The people who design the packaging for children's toys are some of the most hateful people on earth.
It turns out that getting the wrapping to do the nice little overlapping thing on the edges of a DVD case was the easy task. After that I had what should have been a nice, easy, rectangular cardboard box... that had most of one side and one of the corners lopped off in a fusion of physical design and sadism.
With some effort and a little cursing I was able to get the thing wrapped without destroying the cheap paper I'd bought at Walmart thinking it was a good deal. Then I turned my attention to the "fun suitcase" for a popular tuber-based toy... and just said fuck it and used about a half a roll of Scotch tape to hold that sumbitch together.
The child in question is three. I realize that I could have wrapped things in today's Post (thus marking the first time in years that a newspaper would have been useful to me) and she wouldn't have cared. But I'm just anal like that, so real wrapping paper done up as nicely as I could manage was the order of the day.
And if I ever meet the people who designed those packages I'm punching them right in the junk.