Things I've collected over the years that I think are amusing. I realize humor is subjective, so you may not drop dead laughing. You may not even get a chuckle out of it. Just keep in mind that if you don't like these you have no sense of humor.
Little Things that Amuse Me
What I have here isn't gut-busting-funny, but I get a kick out of it. Newer stuff is at the top, so if I refer to something in the past, it'll be farther down the page. It's kinda skimpy right now, but it'll get bigger with time. I think.
- Fortune Cookies (Updated 1 Oct 2005). These little nuggets of quasi-Confucian wisdom can be amusing just by themselves, just due to their own general dippiness. But add the two magic words ("in bed") to the end of the fortune and they become a never-ending resource for juvenile humor. Since I used to eat a lot of Chinese food, I put them on their own page.
- Unsportsmanlike Conduct. There's a site at www.unsportsmanlikeconduct.com that lets you pick the winners of each Sunday's football games (no money on the line, just bragging rights). When you win, you get to taunt your opponents. After you log in the system shows you a random user's profile. Sometimes, it seems, the user isn't so random. That's the funny part. The sad part is, I know it's a one-line fix.
- Iraqi Stamps. I'd forgotten about this one. At my CMU job I was in charge of, among other things, responding to requests for information about the Biomedical Engineering Program's graduate program. One day, I got this envelope from a student in Iraq. I'd never pictured Saddam Houssein as the warm-and-fuzzy type before...
- ICQ & Birthdays. For those who don't know, ICQ is an instant messaging program available free of charge from a company called Mirabilis. It has messaging, chat and file transfer capability, among other stuff. Anyway, when someone on your contact list has a birthday, it puts a little red balloon next to that person's screen name (I've blurred out people's names so my friends don't get spammed). That kinda got me wondering what, if anything, ICQ would do on my birthday. Well, it puts the balloon in your system menu. If you're curious, as of 6:57am the day that last screen shot was taken, I was 23. Figuring out my current age is left as an exercise for the reader. Provided you didn't come here from the page that tells you how old I am.
Quotable Quotes (Updated 1 Oct 2005)
From time to time, everybody says something that makes people laugh. It's not always intended that way, but it still happens. Here's some of the better unintentional (and sometimes intentional) humor that's popped up in my presence. Newer material is at the top of the page.
Snippets of conversations from the #spinnwebe IRC channel. Most will probably be funny (or at least funny to me) but there may also be some serious(ish) ones added eventually. Newest entries are at the top.
- Best. T-shirt. Ever. When this t-shirt gets made, I want one. You may have to be familiar with the way Half-Life displays kills to get the joke in this one.
- Stickiness. Only on the channel can we go from bitching about humidity to cramming trophies up boi's ass. The tail end of this one (har, har) may not be work-safe.
- Farting Out Babies; Science. Apparently DnaError's cat can fart and have kittens. In the midst of explaining the birds and bees, mdxi dropped a pop-quiz on us.
- AgtO = Desslok. One of the regulars on the channel is agent_orange. "AgtO" (pronounced how it's spelled) for short. This one will only make sense if you remember a lot from StarBlazers when it aired 15-20 years ago.
- Howes Space Is Time of Year. Please be careful when you type. And for christ's sake, try keep up with the conversation.
- Computer Skillz. Down10's got the skillz to pay the billz; I'm just glad I don't have to do tech support of any kind.
- Clerks? Mia_D vents about her job in a very low-budget movie sort of way.
- Atomic Twister. Did you watch "Atomic Twister" when it aired in early June '02? Neither did anyone else.