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Fortune Cookies

You already got the general description, so I'll just go straight to the actual fortunes. Don't forget the two words...

The kindness you once gave a friend will soon be returned.
Hmm... now who owes me a favor?
Hunan Star, Manassas Dr., Manassas, VA. September 30, 2005.

Paper jam at the fortune-cookie factory! Six — count 'em, six — fortunes in a single cookie!
You have an important new business development shaping up.
Hookers?
The smart thing is to prepare for the unexpected.
... that someone else pays for?
You sill take a chance in something in the near future.
Note to self: Don't try to pick up girls while drunk.
You have a reputation for being straightforward and honest.
Ya know, that could be why I'm still single.
You have an [sic] unusual equipment for success, use it properly.
Ummmm, do I want to know what makes it "unusual"?
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
Sweeeeet...
Hunan Star. August 17, 2005.

Your mentality is alert, practical and analytical.
Very roundabout way of saying "you think too much."
Hunan Star. August 12, 2005.

Good news will come to you from far away.
So... Chinese girl?
(Forgot the Name), 7th St., Washington, DC. May 7, 2005.

A thrilling time is in your immediate future.
Lies, damn lies, and fortune cookies.
Hunan Star. April 28, 2005.

A rare double-fortune on this one:
Get your mind set... Confidence will lead you on.
Getting my mind set is not the problem.
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
And the handful of patience probably is the problem.
Hunan Star. April 19, 2005.

Your dearest dream is coming true.
...
Hunan Star. March 31, 2005.

You will conquer obstacles to acheive success.
Without the obstacles, the success just may come a bit easier.
Centreville, VA. March 29, 2005.

A person is never too old to learn.
That's good, I guess.
Wu's Garden, Mathis Rd., Manassas, VA. March 19, 2005.

Accept the next proposition you hear.
Sounds fun, but a little dangerous.
Some delivery place in Arlington, VA. February 5th, 2005.

You are cautious in showing your true self to others.
Well, I've ben trying to lose weight lately, and... well... you know...
Jin Ho, Kirkman Rd., Orlando. January 5th, 2005.

All the answers you need are right there in front of you!
They're written on the ceiling?
Chan An, S. 20th St., Pittsburgh. December 20th, 2004.

Restrain yourself from intruding into other's business.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Chan An. November 29th, 2004.

There will be someone sharing your warmth.
Woo-hoo!
New Dumpling House, Murray Ave., Pittsburgh. July 16, 2001.

Your co-workers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity!
Uhm, I think I got someone else's by mistake...
Mandarin Express, Forbes & Wood, Pittsburgh. May 5, 2000.

Try to channel excess energies into rejuvination.
Any comment I make here would just show me to be Pure Evil.
Mandarin Express. April 27, 2000.

Many people will be drawn to you for your wisdom and insights.
That sounds promising. I aim to please, after all.
Lemon Grass, 6th Street, Pittsburgh. April 20, 2000.

You are talented in many ways.
See? All I want is a chance to prove it...
Mandarin Express. April 12, 2000.

Your ability to juggle many tasks will take you far.
Yeah. I can multi-task.
Mandarin Express. April 5, 2000.

Many pleasurable and memorable adventures are in store for you!
That's great, but I ain't holding my breath...
Mandarin Express, Forbes & Wood, Pittsburgh. March 28, 2000.

A wise person cares not for what he cannot have but or what he can.
But the stuff I can't have is so much nicer...
Mandarin Express. March 24, 2000.

Now is the time to try something new.
Yeah, a change of pace from nothing would definately be nice...
New Dumpling House. March 21, 2000.

Be prepared to accept a wonderous opportunity in the days ahead!
Those lying bastards!
Mandarin Express. March 13, 2000.

Every person is the architect of his own fortune.
Yeah, yeah, I know... it's my own damn fault.
Mandarin Express. February 27, 2000.

You will make a sudden rise in life.
Cue Beavis & Butt-Head in 5... 4... 3...
Mandarin Express. February 17, 2000.

Your luck has been completely changed today.
Those god-damned liars...
Mandarin Express. February 11, 2000.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Could you maybe tell me something I don't know?!
Mandarin Express. February 7, 2000.

Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
C'mon! I've been patient for a very long time now...
Mandarin Express. February 1, 2000.

Your ability to find silly in the serious will take you far!
I really can't think of a comment for this, but I know there's gotta be one...
China Palace, Walnut St., Pittsburgh. January 28, 2000.

You should be more of tenderness and less aggressiveness.
Huh-huh, huh-huh-huh... yeah...
China Town Inn, 3rd Street, Pittsburgh. January 21, 2000.

There is no wisdom greater than kindness.
Y'hear that ladies? Be nice to me!
Mandarin Express. January 20, 2000.

Ideas you may believe are absurd ultimately lead to success!
So that's what my problem's been -- I've been trying the shit that makes sense!
Mandarin Express. January 18, 2000.

Good to start strong. Better to finish strong.
To hell with "strong," just introduce me to a girl who'll let me start!
Mandarin Express. Mid-December 1999.

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This page last updated Mar 19, 2011 7:07:56 PM.