Please Do Not Feed the White Trash

September 19, 2001

To give those of you from outside southwestern PA a little backstory, one of the more grating abuses of the English language around here is "yinz" (or, "yunz," depending on your preference). It's a shortened form of "you ones" and has the same meaning as New York's "yous" and the Midwest's "y'all." Therefore Pittsburghers are sometimes called "Yinzers."

Now, most of them think of that as an epithet, and they're right. I've never meant it in a non-derogatory way -- it's always "*%&$ Yinzer drivers," or "Did you see that #@&% take a Yinzer Left up there?" etc. So I try not to use it. And when I do, it's usually synonymous with "White Trash" or "Trailer Trash." I can't prove that they live in trailers, but it seems like a safe bet.

Anyway, my point: There are a lot of Yinzers that use the laundromat near my apartment. And I'm not talking halfway-Yinzers with some redeeming qualities. I'm saying I'd have an easier time understanding a full Scottish brogue than I would these people. I mean they bring their litter of rugrats with them and let them run wild around the place -- and I'm not exactly thrilled when some mental deficient's kid plows into my hipbone at 70mph while I'm folding my shirts. And don't forget they scream to each other across the room instead of walking the 50 feet to talk directly to each other. White trash, basically. Or Yinzers. Definately annoying and definately too dumb to breed.

How long do you think it'll be before the laziness gets the best of me and I start looking for a laundromat that's farther away from me?

September 18, 2001September 20, 2001